Since the dawn of time, man has pondered the outcome of well known, but nearly impossible to arrange, supermatchups between all manner of beast. Some examples include:

1.) A Werewolf vs. The 1998 New York Knicks
2.) Blue Whale vs. Iguana with infrared vision
3.) Toothless woodchuck vs. Blind woodchuck with extra set of molars
4.) Mama Cass vs. Ham sandwich made of metal
5.) Ham sandwich made of metal vs. Kick-ass pastrami on rye from the deli near my house

Although this list is in no way exhaustive, it represents a reasonable sampling of awesome beast vs. beast action that has inspired many spirited debates amongst the purveyors of Beast Warfare since its inception in the Triassic Period (yes, the 1998 Knicks did exist in the Triassic period; they were just very well hidden in thick scrub brush in the deserts of England). Absent from the list above, due to it deserving its own category for sheer awesomeness, is the greatest beast vs. beast matchup ever proposed:

Lion vs. Bull

Vital Statistics:

Combatant 1: Lion

Main offensive weapons:
-Razor sharp claws and teeth
-Extremely agile and lightning quick
-Evolved sense of finding and murdering other animals

Defensive Attributes:
-Biting the face, neck, and eyes of the assailant

Thinks he’s pretty when he:
-Swishes his little tail to and fro


Combatant 2: Bull

Main offensive weapons:
-Hoof
-Big fat ass
-Insane ability to find and eat grass
-Horns
-When balls are squeezed tightly will likely kick you in the face (very hard)

Defensive Attributes:
-Robust flank
-Lard layer
-Stench of four-stomach-digested grass manure hell emanating from rectum at all times

Little known fact:
-Hates algebra, but love gratuitous little facts regarding the construction of The Great Wall of China


Winner: Uncertain

This matchup will undoubtedly take place in a Spanish coliseum (I see no viable alternative), and will probably draw several trillion viewers from the entire animal kingdom, and that’s not counting the virus contingent (with their organismal status still up in the air) that contacted me last Tuesday expressing an interest in Lion vs. Bull action. If you support the Lion vs. Bull matchup, as you well should, please contact the Beast Warfare Office of Northern Nebraska and make your feelings known. Perhaps by 2010 we can realize our dream. Spain will play host to the greatest fight in the history of organic life, answering, once and for all, the most important question ever asked: Lion vs. Bull, who will win?